Feeling It All

I feel at times we honestly do not take the time to feel all the emotions and thoughts we are experiencing, since we live in such an instantaneous, technological world, where we are always go-go. What about if we just stopped, took a deep breath and reflected for just a moment. I feel in that moment, we would feel overwhelmed by it all, all the thoughts and emotions we have been burying down within ourselves because we did not take the time to feel it in that moment in time. Time will continue to move forward, and we will too, yet I think it is best for us to stop and pause to take inventory of where we are at if we may feel low or overwhelmed.

It is like they say, if you do not take care of something now, it will eventually all boil over or you will explode with a bottle of emotions. So if you are reading this, to take a moment out of your day and time, I first want to thank you because that is taking the first step. Now please with take a moment to close your eyes, even it is for a couple of minutes, think about that feeling or thought you just cannot shake. Okay, what do you make out of it, where do you want to go from this moment and how do you feel you can best move forward and start healing. We are all moving, while at the same time we are all healing from past or current wounds that still haunt us now, and maybe will continue to.

I just want you to know, whether you feel like giving up, you are not good enough or just feel overwhelmed with life, just remember to take a moment to breathe to feel it all. Feeling it all does not make you emotional. Feeling it all helps you heal. Feeling it all makes you take stock of what and who is bringing you down, and who is lifting up. We all get caught up in the rat race of life, so feel up a space with understanding and expression and grace the world with your face, because it is beautiful even when you are beyond happy or soaking in the sulkiness of your emotions.

All of us are riding waves of thoughts and emotions, some we catch and others crush us, no matter which one it is, get back up and keep going (as Dory once said) . In between here and now, where you are and want to go, who you are and and who you want to be, always remember feeling it all (thoughts, emotions, dreams and goals) is what makes you the only one of you. So if you leave here, please take this with you, Feeling It All is what makes you get up to answer that call and catches you as you free fall, no matter tall or small, the writing on the wall, you have the power within you to make through all of what life will throw at you.

Unstable: Mental Health Struggles

After writing the first sentence then consequentially deleting it time after time, I thought about how I should talk about my own struggles with mental health. While each person’s journey is different with mental health, mine has been one I have dealt from when I was very young. I can think back to when I was a young kid and would ask the universe why am I here, it would be so easier if I was not. I felt like I was complicating the lives of those around me, that I constantly had to prove and stand up for myself when no one was. I was told by dad to not express my emotions, that how I thought was invalid and would never be enough.

After years of living in a toxic, unhealthy environment growing up I decided to stand up for myself, only to feel yet again like I was the perpetrator, not once have I felt listened to and that was hard. Unfourtunately, this parental relationship led me to feeling depressed, suicidal at points. And when one of my close friends tried to take their own life, and I expressed how I felt pain for this friend and was beyond heartbroken over this situation, I was told yet again to not express my emotions and that one taking their own life is the easy way out. While there are many experiences I can speak to with my mental health, I feel it is not my place to spew that out to you, the person reading this. I feel many of our mental health struggles come from the relationships we have with those close to us, or experiencing something traumatic. We all process trauma different, we all see the world different and at times we feel different for being simply who we are.

I know mental health is something many of us feel we are stigmatized for, rather than it being an open conversation between health professionals, or even family and friends. I do not feel our mental health struggle should be labeled yet something we should feel to either speak or not to about. I do feel by openly talking about the struggles you face with mental health you can help not only yourself, but those around you who may be going or have gone through something similar. I also feel that you should speak to someone you trust or professional about what you are going through, since there are people out there who care and want to listen. I have learned to speak with family and friends more about my struggles, and they have been there to offer a hug and be an ear to listen to. While you may feel you are alone, who you are does not matter and what you do holds no purpose, that is farther from the truth, I and so many care about you. If you are hurting, please reach out to someone you trust or even me, I am here to listen and not judge.

I feel with social media, so many societal and family pressures, we as humans can be pushed to our limits. Do know you set those boundaries, if someone decides to continuously walk over that line, you hold the power to express where you stand. Stand up for yourself and others, even if you feel you well be broken down and picked a part. Having a heart that beats, a mind that thinks and a body that moves will continue to push you forward pass the things and people who will try to hold you back.

Keep going, feel your emotions and express your truth without regret, because as Maya Angelou said, ““I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So, keep pushing forward, take each day by day, take each step by step and before you know it, you will be at the finish lines you never thought you would cross with the people who never left your side along the way, and continued to cheer you on, no matter how many times you wanted to give up along the way. Remember, you have the spark to set a fire ablaze and float away with the ambers, embark and blaze your own path and be around even when the stars fade and the smoke blurs what might have always been there, you!

PS I hope to share more of my journey with mental health with time. Please remember mental health is a journey, and should be right up there with your physical health. Never loose faith in yourself, in others or in society, there are always hope and people out there who will catch you if you fall. You may be in a fight or a constant battle with your mental health, be defeated time after time, never give up, keep going, I got you!

Making Amends

About a few weeks ago, I made amends with my past. I texted people who we didn’t leave off on the right foot or note. I also made a pact to myself to put my happiness first. While the past year of my life has been quite wild to say the least, I have learned a lot and realized that sometimes you won’t always have all the answers to what you want out of life and how people treat you. I will never understand people who simply leave you on read or cut you out of your life without no explanation. I will never understand how a person cannot just recognize what you said as you did for them. I will never understand why people try to be someone they are not, when they simply should be themselves.

While there are many things I do not understand as many of us probably will never make sense out of, I have realized with time, most of the time, you are happy to leave your past in the past, and honestly to leave some in your past. I have realized that you have a say in who and what you allow in your life. I have realized that you can be content, without making everyone happy. I have realized I know myself, my mind and heart better than I thought. I feel with age and experiences, we learn to extend an olive branch rather than burning bridges with those who burnt you, or left scars with their ruthlessness. I feel that at times you have to make amends with yourself, before you can make amends with someone else.

Making amends is not simple, but a makeshift process, where you have to take your time and put the pieces together so you can fully heal. Healing is not a linear process, but rather you continuing to follow the path in front of you while venturing off to check out the places along the way. We have control over the path we choose to pave, and who we choose to give our energy too. I love to help people but have realized some people, one person in particular (some of you know) just continued to drain me, I am beyond thankful they walked out of my life, since my life has truly been so much better without them in it. I have wanted some to stay, while they choose to leave. Life is a lot like the seasons, we change as the weather do and evolve as environment does too. So if you are reading this, know that you can move on and do not have to forgive, rather make amends and choose to be indifferent to those who wronged you. Some times, things in life have to go wrong before they can go right, and how boring would it be if we didn’t get lost, then found. We all arrive at different times to where we are meant to be, so take time and break free from all that holds you back. Seriously though, it is really f*cking awesome to let go of all you are holding on to.

Tend to time as it ticks on, Mend your heart as it beats on, Lend an olive branch and make amends!

Be-leaf in Yourself

Over the past week, I came down with a nasty head cold and clogged ears. I literally felt like I was in a fish bowl anytime I talked because all I heard was my voice echoing back. But during that time, I realized something that yes you cannot hear well with clogged ears, but many of us are living in our own fish bowl. A fish bowl of expectations of what we expect from ourself and those around us. A fish bowl of filtered down messages tailored to fit us. A fish bowl of feeling stuck within the limits we put on ourselves. A fish bowl where I finally broke it and let the glass shatter of relationships and realizations. Realizing we tend to feel we are stuck inside a fish bowl of who we think we should be and what our next step should be, when being a fish out of water can teach you more than being the catch of the day.

Today, I shattered the damn fish bowl and started this week off with what I self proclaim as a Mindset Monday. I felt one text message from a friend turning a switch on in my mind that sometimes you got to let people and thoughts go like Fall leaves. Leaving behind all that has held you back and stepping into a new season of your life. A season where the leaves are so colorful, yet so rustic. A season where you can change with the leaves , yet be rooted in who you are. A season where learning life’s lessons looks a lot like the leaves in between fall and winter. A season where be-leafing in yourself , embracing your real, colorful and crumbling self can help you fall into a new season of life.

P.S. This autumn, do not forget to be-leaf in yourself and fall more in love with who you are.

How to Be the Best Version of You

To be the best version of yourself, you may need to take steps to get where you want to go. And your path may look a whole lot different than the person right next to you, or even those you strive to be like. If you are striving to be like someone else, just stop right there, because there is only one of you, so embrace it. This post is more or less a conversation between you and me on how you can be the best version of you. A version of yourself that makes you proud, happy or simply healthy in your mind, body and soul.

So first, let’s start with what makes you want to live each and every day, since we all know we have struggled that one morning to get out of bed or maybe even to reach out to someone whose presence has helped you through the highs and lows life throws our way. Well, first think to yourself, what gets me going when all is else is not going your way, what is that one person or reason? Now, think about what thoughts come from that person or reason, write some of them down, are they positive or negative (or a mix of both)?! Okay, now that you had time to think and reflect, think about the effect or affect you have on those around you, how would someone talk about you? Would they say your are nice, or your presence comes with a price. No matter what your answers are at this point, think to yourself… Just put the phone down (not the computer), think about that one thing. After focusing on that one thing or human being, take a moment to fill your mind and heart with intent. Intent to step back or even step out of your comfort zone to appreciate that one reason or person, you don’t have to call or send them a text, but that would nice.

I have done this exercise many times throughout my life, so I can find where my footing and headspace is at. There have been moments of hopelessness and happiness. And in each of those, I have lost myself out of selfishness and selflessness. Self-reflection may look different for you, but for me it is all about being the best version of yourself. Not the version that you think your parents, friends or boss would be proud of, but the expression of the version of a person you want to be.

A lot of times, we get lost in trying to be the best; being the best friend, partner, worker and parent that we are lost and found all at once. Once we realize it is okay for us to step back into ourself, we make that step in working towards molding and embracing what makes us the individual we are. An individual who inspires, desires, and lights the whole dang match with their fire. Don’t be afraid to express who you are, but also don’t forget the only person you have to impress is you. So do not be too hard on yourself, but appreciate the mind and body you have. You are not just anybody, but somebody who embodies someone who is becoming and is the best version of yourself.