I feel many of us are alive, but are we really living or we simply existing? I feel we walk a fine line between being alive and existing. Many of the days we spend, we are simply just trying to exist and make it through, that’s okay. We play the part in life where we would rather be alive and existing, then to say we lived. At the end of the day, aren’t we just all alive and existing?! I guess what I am getting at is many of us follow the paved path in front of us that many have and had ventured down. What if the path in front of you is not where you feel alive, yet just feel you are simply existing among the many people wandering down that path. I would say pave your own damn path, the one that makes you feel most alive and that you can look back to say you lived, and didn’t simply just exist. Time moves fast, before you know it years have already passed you by.
As you age, you will start to wonder where it all went and hoping the finishing line wasn’t near. Keeping in mind that you do not want to keep placing finish lines in the race of life, because you will never cross them, if you do, you may keep thinking and feeling what’s next. We all wonder what’s next in life, where do we go from here, and how do we reach the mountain top if it seems so far off in the distance. We may all climb our own personal mountains of achievements and soak in the shallowest meadows of struggles. Between the mountains of triumphs and meadows of lows, we are each on our own path. A path we along with many venture on, or maybe we are paving our own path.
No matter what pathway you take in life, take the one where you feel most alive, do not simply exist within society’s standards and look back saying I wish I would have lived. I wish I would have loved. I wish I would have failed. I wish I would have chased that dream. I wish I would told this person or done this thing. I think many of us including myself live in a world of “I wish I would have” because we fear rejection. Let me tell rejection is redirection. Rejection redirects you to big and better things, trust me, you may not see it now but eventually you will down the way. Trust that life always works out for the best. And that the worst regret you can have is simply existing within the constraints of what society or even those close to tells you who to be. Because in the end and this moment; being alive, chasing after what and who fuels you will bring you some of your biggest blessings, experiences and lessons. So simply be alive, experience life’s greatest gifts and hardships and be that person who one day looks back and says I lived.
Almost a year ago, I started “Mildly Me”. Back then I had the intention of writing content that was raw and embodied the experiences many of us go through on a daily basis. If anybody would have told me I would be here at this moment in time, I would not had believed them one bit. I may have believed bits and parts, because when it comes to yourself, you know what will last and what will fade. And when relationships, friendships included are made on rugged rubble, would you expect them to withstand all the hardships? Probably not. Well this past year I learned that letting go is a lot harder than it looks. I also learned that what I write is truly all I have at this point in time; because people come and go in and out of your life like seasons, and maybe for some very good reasons.
It is honestly crazy how much can change in a year, a season, a month and a day. Where I was last year is a place and a person I never want to revisit. Where I was last season in the midst of the season of Spring is a version of myself I want to leave behind. Where I was last month is the woman I want to tell who cares, do whatever and be whoever the hell you want to. What is heaven without not a little bit of hell. Who would I be if I did not make the choices I did. The choice to leave a relationship crumbling right in front of me. The choice to learn from saying yes aimlessly to standing firm in a no. The choice to choose who and what I surround myself with. While this year and these choices have been be a bit easy, it is the people and things that broke me who built me into who I am today. Today, I am the wanderlust of a whimsical woman wondering what’s next, only to know that Mildly Me will continue to embody all the peaks and meadows each of go and grow through each day. Toning down and cranking up the parts of ourself to be the mild, and sometimes wild versions of ourselves.
Mildly me isn’t just me. It is you, the person reading this. It is the person, who feels like they are never enough. It is the social butterfly, who sometimes feels like they are maybe too much. It is the child, whose learning to use their voice. It is the adult, whose lost the curiosity of a child. It is the grandparent, who wonders what their legacy will one day be. It is all of us, far and close a part, stringed together by humanity, a city and entity. Mildly Me is the parts of yourself you decide to show and the ones you decide to hide, because all of what makes us who we are is perfectly imperfect. So show up every day being who you are, whether that is Mildly Me or not. You got a heart, body and a voice that embodies only you, and no one else, so always choose to be who you are and more.
While the chapter of 2019 has officially closed and the chapter of 2020 has officially began. I thought I would start this year off by not sharing my resolutions at all, since I really wanted to focus on how you can step into a new year or start to make the changes you want in your life.
And while the start of this year has left me feeling awfully low, I know in my heart of hearts that this year is going to be good. Good in the sense that I went through a crap ton of growth in 2019, and maybe you have too. But do know that we grow and things can and will get better. If you do not think so, I am here for you.
I am here not only stepping into what this year has to bring, but starting to take action on goals I have had for myself for a very long time. Goals as silly as simply get enough sleep and working out more, things that many of us may already had incorporated into our daily routine. But with my health being on a roller coaster I have seen how it is affecting those closest to me. And how seeking out help isn’t the worst thing to do for yourself if you are really in need of sorting through emotions and feelings you have or are having. Never feel like your feelings or emotions are not valid, because they are. Anyway looking back, I have really hurt many people and treated people not as nice as I want to due to my own insecurities. This year I am really work on putting myself first and seeking out help in getting myself better. And you should always know you are a work in progress.
So as I step into 2020, I am really looking to not only reflect on the steps I took to get here, but the pathways I want to take to where I am heading. I hope you will, because to truly make your goals and intentions come true you need to look where you are at. And in the time being, if you are really wanting to make a change in your life, you need to make that goal and intention a standard in your life.
While I do not know what the future will hold, I know it is going to be good and that 2020 is not only a new decade, a new year but a new beginning in so many ways for many us.
Cherish the footprints left & the steps you are taking.
Over the past week, I came down with a nasty head cold and clogged ears. I literally felt like I was in a fish bowl anytime I talked because all I heard was my voice echoing back. But during that time, I realized something that yes you cannot hear well with clogged ears, but many of us are living in our own fish bowl. A fish bowl of expectations of what we expect from ourself and those around us. A fish bowl of filtered down messages tailored to fit us. A fish bowl of feeling stuck within the limits we put on ourselves. A fish bowl where I finally broke it and let the glass shatter of relationships and realizations. Realizing we tend to feel we are stuck inside a fish bowl of who we think we should be and what our next step should be, when being a fish out of water can teach you more than being the catch of the day.
Today, I shattered the damn fish bowl and started this week off with what I self proclaim as a Mindset Monday. I felt one text message from a friend turning a switch on in my mind that sometimes you got to let people and thoughts go like Fall leaves. Leaving behind all that has held you back and stepping into a new season of your life. A season where the leaves are so colorful, yet so rustic. A season where you can change with the leaves , yet be rooted in who you are. A season where learning life’s lessons looks a lot like the leaves in between fall and winter. A season where be-leafing in yourself , embracing your real, colorful and crumbling self can help you fall into a new season of life.
P.S. This autumn, do not forget to be-leaf in yourself and fall more in love with who you are.