Tag: Emotions

Thank You, Trauma

I want to start off this post by first saying, hi, it’s been a few months and how are you (really) doing?

Most of the time we leave our responses to that common question to great, good, okay, and not so well. But do we want to waste people’s time and energy by diving into how we really feel. We all have feelings, but most of the time we do not share them because we do not want to burden someone with the weight of problems we carry, feeling their responses aren’t the answers, but the never-ending question marks we cannot solve in our own minds.

I am here to tell you, you can feel more comforted and connected by sharing what you are really going through. If you do and people judge you, then give them the justice of knowing you tried and you aren’t on jury to be criticized when you are sharing your true self and feelings.

We all have trauma

I know I am not the only one who has experienced trauma. We all have in one sense or another, some more or less or about the same as others. No matter how much trauma you have experienced in your life, your mind and body don’t forget, no matter how much you try to make peace with karma. Unneeded drama will infiltrate your life. At times processing trauma can feel like a never-ending battle with the warrior inside of you and the traitor of trying, trite times that leaves you spiteful, knowing no one ever wins when you go to war, there is loss and conquering co-existing with each other, just like experiences and emotions. Sometimes you wonder if you can ever at peace as a result of the trauma you’ve experienced or are going through.

The Traffic Stop of Trauma

Through and through, Trauma doesn’t just traumatize you, it makes you realize I have experienced the hardest of times, but I am still here and have a reason to be here. There will be times when trauma takes over your mind, and it feels like you are going down an endless road without an end, running on empty, but still somehow arriving at a rest stop along the way. But in those moments, slow down and stop if you have to. This world expects us to live on cruise control, thinking if you are not in the utmost control then you are an accident just waiting to happen. But not all accidents can be avoided, you will crash or stall the vehicle of your life from time to time. And you don’t always have to be the driver in the driver seat, you can be the passenger and backseat driver, and still get where you need to go.

Most of the time, even if we know where we are headed, with directions and all, there will be detours as we head toward and end up at the destinations of our life.

So yes my road is rocky and smooth at times, including pot holes of insecurities at times that feel all-consuming when I end up with a flat tire and on the side of the road, trying to fix what is now broken. And I or you may feel like you are an accident, everyone is passing but not stopping to see if they are okay, because they assume the next person will check to see. My advice is to check up and check in with people. There is strength in showing you care. There is a vulnerability in showing your weaknesses, and that maybe you don’t have the answers. Not all questions have answers to them.

Trekking forward with Trauma

But I am not to blame for my trauma. You may think you need to pinpoint the people who caused you trauma, or exile them completely from your life. What I have learned is you do not have to forgive or forget to move on, or past whatever may be haunting or burdening you. You can make peace with people who will never offer you an apology. Because likely they will never make peace with the wars they started, but never ended. Surrender to your trauma. Grow from the war wounds of woes.

So yes, thank you for the trauma. You showed up at my front door step and walked right in without me ever saying welcome in. So I let you into the house of my heart, you made yourself at home. Made my bed of traumatizing thoughts in my mind. But now I say it is time for you to leave, and make a home of your own. While it may not be easy to let it go just that. With time, you may never heal, but you’ll learn and grow. You welcome in guests of friends who will stay, and some who will stay for awhile and some you just may never see again. In all you gain and you loose, know the phantom pain of trauma will come and go. As you address your trauma through therapy, journaling, talking with loved ones, or simply thinking about it, say thank you trauma for all you gave me; you’re welcome for all the growth I have experienced because of you, even when it was really hard, I became better and stronger because of you, trauma.

Sincerely,

someone with trauma

Feeling It All

I feel at times we honestly do not take the time to feel all the emotions and thoughts we are experiencing, since we live in such an instantaneous, technological world, where we are always go-go. What about if we just stopped, took a deep breath and reflected for just a moment. I feel in that moment, we would feel overwhelmed by it all, all the thoughts and emotions we have been burying down within ourselves because we did not take the time to feel it in that moment in time. Time will continue to move forward, and we will too, yet I think it is best for us to stop and pause to take inventory of where we are at if we may feel low or overwhelmed.

It is like they say, if you do not take care of something now, it will eventually all boil over or you will explode with a bottle of emotions. So if you are reading this, to take a moment out of your day and time, I first want to thank you because that is taking the first step. Now please with take a moment to close your eyes, even it is for a couple of minutes, think about that feeling or thought you just cannot shake. Okay, what do you make out of it, where do you want to go from this moment and how do you feel you can best move forward and start healing. We are all moving, while at the same time we are all healing from past or current wounds that still haunt us now, and maybe will continue to.

I just want you to know, whether you feel like giving up, you are not good enough or just feel overwhelmed with life, just remember to take a moment to breathe to feel it all. Feeling it all does not make you emotional. Feeling it all helps you heal. Feeling it all makes you take stock of what and who is bringing you down, and who is lifting up. We all get caught up in the rat race of life, so feel up a space with understanding and expression and grace the world with your face, because it is beautiful even when you are beyond happy or soaking in the sulkiness of your emotions.

All of us are riding waves of thoughts and emotions, some we catch and others crush us, no matter which one it is, get back up and keep going (as Dory once said) . In between here and now, where you are and want to go, who you are and and who you want to be, always remember feeling it all (thoughts, emotions, dreams and goals) is what makes you the only one of you. So if you leave here, please take this with you, Feeling It All is what makes you get up to answer that call and catches you as you free fall, no matter tall or small, the writing on the wall, you have the power within you to make through all of what life will throw at you.

Getting Through

Somedays like today felt like I was simply trying to get through. I know many of you reading this feel this way at times, when you are just trying to get to the next day. I know each day brings its’ own set of triumphs, struggles or mediocrities. Knowing we do not have to be perfect but to be just who we are is sometimes we all need to hear. I feel many of us are trying to live up to standards (from society, media, loved ones and ourself) that are simply unattainable. That is okay.

It is okay to not feel like you are reaching new heights. It is okay to not be checking off checklist items off your daily list of tasks. It is okay to not know who you are yet. All of the things and people we struggle with are forming us into who we are and how we choose to treat those around us. So getting through isn’t just getting by. It is someone who may be have been on a never ending run where the finish line keeps getting moved up, just as they get close. It is someone who may have poured heart out to their crush to only be rejected. It someone who may be struggling to just get up in the morning and roll out of bed to live another day on the hamster wheel of life, so many of us continue to roll on and fall of of. It is not knowing what is next that can stop someone from going forward out of paralyzing anxiety, or fear they are not good enough.

Some say fake it to you’ll make it, yet I believe those who even say that are afraid too. We are all scared of what maybe the next day, month or year may hold, but we have is now, each other and ourself. So if no one has told you this, getting through will always be good enough. You are never too much or too little, you are just right for those who truly love and care about you. Getting through yet another let down means you are being set up for some of the greatest moments.

Don’t lose yourself in a sea of a doubt, and if you feel lost, I am sending and throwing out a life raft to you to remind you, you matter, your thoughts are valid and your dreams can become a reality. Just keep believing, because there are many who have faith in you and know that getting through will lead you right to them. Keep pushing, keep challenging all that constrains you and keep going, you’ll get through, I got you hun, you are right around the corner of getting through and to all that is meant for you, which is far greater than you may have ever imagined, you are magical in simply being just you, if they discount you, you are getting through to me. Getting through to all the doubters. Getting through your own self doubt. Getting through all the negativity to finally to grasp on to and see the light of getting through the darkness that once haunted you. Getting through goes beyond just beginning, middle and end of one’s life story. You have the power to rewrite your story, make memories you cherish beyond time and live each moment this life gives you with intent.

Unstable: Mental Health Struggles

After writing the first sentence then consequentially deleting it time after time, I thought about how I should talk about my own struggles with mental health. While each person’s journey is different with mental health, mine has been one I have dealt from when I was very young. I can think back to when I was a young kid and would ask the universe why am I here, it would be so easier if I was not. I felt like I was complicating the lives of those around me, that I constantly had to prove and stand up for myself when no one was. I was told by dad to not express my emotions, that how I thought was invalid and would never be enough.

After years of living in a toxic, unhealthy environment growing up I decided to stand up for myself, only to feel yet again like I was the perpetrator, not once have I felt listened to and that was hard. Unfourtunately, this parental relationship led me to feeling depressed, suicidal at points. And when one of my close friends tried to take their own life, and I expressed how I felt pain for this friend and was beyond heartbroken over this situation, I was told yet again to not express my emotions and that one taking their own life is the easy way out. While there are many experiences I can speak to with my mental health, I feel it is not my place to spew that out to you, the person reading this. I feel many of our mental health struggles come from the relationships we have with those close to us, or experiencing something traumatic. We all process trauma different, we all see the world different and at times we feel different for being simply who we are.

I know mental health is something many of us feel we are stigmatized for, rather than it being an open conversation between health professionals, or even family and friends. I do not feel our mental health struggle should be labeled yet something we should feel to either speak or not to about. I do feel by openly talking about the struggles you face with mental health you can help not only yourself, but those around you who may be going or have gone through something similar. I also feel that you should speak to someone you trust or professional about what you are going through, since there are people out there who care and want to listen. I have learned to speak with family and friends more about my struggles, and they have been there to offer a hug and be an ear to listen to. While you may feel you are alone, who you are does not matter and what you do holds no purpose, that is farther from the truth, I and so many care about you. If you are hurting, please reach out to someone you trust or even me, I am here to listen and not judge.

I feel with social media, so many societal and family pressures, we as humans can be pushed to our limits. Do know you set those boundaries, if someone decides to continuously walk over that line, you hold the power to express where you stand. Stand up for yourself and others, even if you feel you well be broken down and picked a part. Having a heart that beats, a mind that thinks and a body that moves will continue to push you forward pass the things and people who will try to hold you back.

Keep going, feel your emotions and express your truth without regret, because as Maya Angelou said, ““I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So, keep pushing forward, take each day by day, take each step by step and before you know it, you will be at the finish lines you never thought you would cross with the people who never left your side along the way, and continued to cheer you on, no matter how many times you wanted to give up along the way. Remember, you have the spark to set a fire ablaze and float away with the ambers, embark and blaze your own path and be around even when the stars fade and the smoke blurs what might have always been there, you!

PS I hope to share more of my journey with mental health with time. Please remember mental health is a journey, and should be right up there with your physical health. Never loose faith in yourself, in others or in society, there are always hope and people out there who will catch you if you fall. You may be in a fight or a constant battle with your mental health, be defeated time after time, never give up, keep going, I got you!