Thank You, Trauma
I want to start off this post by first saying, hi, it’s been a few months and how are you (really) doing?
Most of the time we leave our responses to that common question to great, good, okay, and not so well. But do we want to waste people’s time and energy by diving into how we really feel. We all have feelings, but most of the time we do not share them because we do not want to burden someone with the weight of problems we carry, feeling their responses aren’t the answers, but the never-ending question marks we cannot solve in our own minds.
I am here to tell you, you can feel more comforted and connected by sharing what you are really going through. If you do and people judge you, then give them the justice of knowing you tried and you aren’t on jury to be criticized when you are sharing your true self and feelings.
We all have trauma
I know I am not the only one who has experienced trauma. We all have in one sense or another, some more or less or about the same as others. No matter how much trauma you have experienced in your life, your mind and body don’t forget, no matter how much you try to make peace with karma. Unneeded drama will infiltrate your life. At times processing trauma can feel like a never-ending battle with the warrior inside of you and the traitor of trying, trite times that leaves you spiteful, knowing no one ever wins when you go to war, there is loss and conquering co-existing with each other, just like experiences and emotions. Sometimes you wonder if you can ever at peace as a result of the trauma you’ve experienced or are going through.
The Traffic Stop of Trauma
Through and through, Trauma doesn’t just traumatize you, it makes you realize I have experienced the hardest of times, but I am still here and have a reason to be here. There will be times when trauma takes over your mind, and it feels like you are going down an endless road without an end, running on empty, but still somehow arriving at a rest stop along the way. But in those moments, slow down and stop if you have to. This world expects us to live on cruise control, thinking if you are not in the utmost control then you are an accident just waiting to happen. But not all accidents can be avoided, you will crash or stall the vehicle of your life from time to time. And you don’t always have to be the driver in the driver seat, you can be the passenger and backseat driver, and still get where you need to go.
Most of the time, even if we know where we are headed, with directions and all, there will be detours as we head toward and end up at the destinations of our life.
So yes my road is rocky and smooth at times, including pot holes of insecurities at times that feel all-consuming when I end up with a flat tire and on the side of the road, trying to fix what is now broken. And I or you may feel like you are an accident, everyone is passing but not stopping to see if they are okay, because they assume the next person will check to see. My advice is to check up and check in with people. There is strength in showing you care. There is a vulnerability in showing your weaknesses, and that maybe you don’t have the answers. Not all questions have answers to them.
Trekking forward with Trauma
But I am not to blame for my trauma. You may think you need to pinpoint the people who caused you trauma, or exile them completely from your life. What I have learned is you do not have to forgive or forget to move on, or past whatever may be haunting or burdening you. You can make peace with people who will never offer you an apology. Because likely they will never make peace with the wars they started, but never ended. Surrender to your trauma. Grow from the war wounds of woes.
So yes, thank you for the trauma. You showed up at my front door step and walked right in without me ever saying welcome in. So I let you into the house of my heart, you made yourself at home. Made my bed of traumatizing thoughts in my mind. But now I say it is time for you to leave, and make a home of your own. While it may not be easy to let it go just that. With time, you may never heal, but you’ll learn and grow. You welcome in guests of friends who will stay, and some who will stay for awhile and some you just may never see again. In all you gain and you loose, know the phantom pain of trauma will come and go. As you address your trauma through therapy, journaling, talking with loved ones, or simply thinking about it, say thank you trauma for all you gave me; you’re welcome for all the growth I have experienced because of you, even when it was really hard, I became better and stronger because of you, trauma.
someone with trauma