Marchin' On

It has been awhile since I last wrote a blog post. It was actually two months til this day that I remember writing a blog post about telling my side of the story in a heartbreak. But now that it has been two months and things have quite changed, I thought I hop on here to tell you how you can or how I have been marching on through these truly unknown times.

They say moving on from a heartbreak takes time and I would have to totally agree but it also takes a good amount of healing. See I did not know what it felt like to lose someone I cared and still care so much for until well it happened. I felt a sense of abandonment and have felt quite alone during this time in my life, not just from the Coronavirus. In being alone I learned no one can make me happy, except for myself. So now and going forward I am learning that it is okay for me to not always people please. Noticing that most of my life I have spent trying to make those around me happy while letting my own happiness suffer. No matter what life looks like in this season, I want to work on being my own best cheerleader and going after things and experiences I have always wanted to, and I challenge you to do the same.

As for this whole coronavirus thing, I honestly feel a sense of anxiety and depression for our world, our country and my community, because I see the various ways people’s lives are being affected, whether they be those in the healthcare field or a college student. Right now life feels more uncertain than ever. But in all honesty it has felt like that for me since this year began. I knew from the beginning of this year that I didn’t know what my then relationship held, my future held and really who I was becoming. I like to say with time we lose pieces of who we are, but in all honesty I think we just get scarred and hugged by experiences and memories. I like to say I am moving on…. but with each day I feel like I am marching through a war zone of uncertain emotions, feelings and times. At this time, deep down in my gut, heart and mind I know what is right for me, but would I rather be hurt or be vulnerable, I still cannot decide. Maybe when I finally decide, it will be too late or maybe just a tad too early. But I guess time can only tell how we will march on from this pandemic and the own battles we continue to fight and win with ourselves.

If I could say one thing, it would be to continue marchin’ on with kindness, love, acceptance, and gratefulness for those around you, close and far away.

Learning to Let Go

Over the past month and half I have been processing through some emotions, and some things. As you step through life, stepping in and out, sometime in between those steps, you notice what you need to take with you and what you need to let go of. While making those steps, you learn who you are, what you want and maybe why you feel the way you do. So as I make these steps going forward, I am realizing there is something, or many things I need to let go of.

First, I need to let go of the feeling of not being wanted. I know I am cared and wanted by so many. But there are many days were I feel alone, crying and hurting, that truly no one cares. While this may be a surprise to those of you who do not know me that well, I wanted to let you know that you should always touch base with those you love and care about, because you never know what is going on behind the confined doors of social media. So truly I need to let go of this feeling that no one cares, because I know there are, whether only few who do care about me and my well-being and that is all should matter. Never forget, you matter and what you are feeling is valid, no matter how crazy someone may think or say it is — YOU MATTER!

Second, I found that I need to let go of a relationship that was no longer fulfilling me but rather crushing me. Lately I have been feeling that no matter how many times I attempt to put back the pieces that have been crushed, they just don’t fit and keep falling out of place. Maybe this is a sign that sometimes the one you have been holding so close, you just need to let them go. While letting go of someone who has seen you at some real shitty lows and amazing highs is beyond imaginable, I know I got this as I say this feeling beyond muddled and sunken in emotions. Sometimes stepping away and letting one go is the best you can do, not only for yourself but for maybe or hopefully for them too.

Third, I found I need to let go of social media. While this may not be easy, it is something I need to do and step away from because my mental health has suffered from it. Seeking approval from followers or likes seems to be what is next to seeking approval from our peers and mentors as we typically in do real life. So enough with social media. As of now, I am deciding I will only be on social media to share my blog posts, so if I do not like or comment on your recent post, please do not take it personally. So bye Instagram and Facebook for the time being, while I say I will miss you, at the same time I find it best that you take a break from seeking approval from fleeting likes, followers and I guess friends too.

While letting go of stuff, people and moments may be hard in the meantime. At this point in time, it is something I really need to do in order to get back on track to feeling like me, the girl who is and only should be living her life on her terms, no one else’s. Well anyway, if you are feeling the way I am or go through something that is bodging you down, I would highly suggest letting go of that thing, thought or person because if you never do, you will never know what else you could let in that could really change your life and help you step in to where you want to go.

Stepping into A New Year

While the chapter of 2019 has officially closed and the chapter of 2020 has officially began. I thought I would start this year off by not sharing my resolutions at all, since I really wanted to focus on how you can step into a new year or start to make the changes you want in your life.

And while the start of this year has left me feeling awfully low, I know in my heart of hearts that this year is going to be good. Good in the sense that I went through a crap ton of growth in 2019, and maybe you have too. But do know that we grow and things can and will get better. If you do not think so, I am here for you.

I am here not only stepping into what this year has to bring, but starting to take action on goals I have had for myself for a very long time. Goals as silly as simply get enough sleep and working out more, things that many of us may already had incorporated into our daily routine. But with my health being on a roller coaster I have seen how it is affecting those closest to me. And how seeking out help isn’t the worst thing to do for yourself if you are really in need of sorting through emotions and feelings you have or are having. Never feel like your feelings or emotions are not valid, because they are. Anyway looking back, I have really hurt many people and treated people not as nice as I want to due to my own insecurities. This year I am really work on putting myself first and seeking out help in getting myself better. And you should always know you are a work in progress.

So as I step into 2020, I am really looking to not only reflect on the steps I took to get here, but the pathways I want to take to where I am heading. I hope you will, because to truly make your goals and intentions come true you need to look where you are at. And in the time being, if you are really wanting to make a change in your life, you need to make that goal and intention a standard in your life.

While I do not know what the future will hold, I know it is going to be good and that 2020 is not only a new decade, a new year but a new beginning in so many ways for many us.

Cherish the footprints left & the steps you are taking.

Sincerely,

Someone

Finding Yourself Through It All

Finding myself through it all, this year has been quite a ride. I went from standing up for myself to realizing that we still live in a time where people rather acknowledge then move on with their lives. Learning that victim blaming is real, despite what changes have been showcased in real media. In that moment I realized sometimes the best thing you can do is leave a rather toxic chapter behind you. And only a few months into 2019, I stepped into a chapter of my life that came with it’s changes, good and bad. I stepped into a job that I am beyond grateful for. I stepped into living with my boo of 2 and half years, while our relationship has had its’ ups and downs, we continue to make it through despite all the odds playing against us.

While stepping into new experiences means sometimes the old needs to be shed from your life; more importantly relationships that were rather taking from me than giving and showing up for me. Knowing when to let things and people go can be hard, but can be the most transformative moments in your life. I guess what I am saying is I have grown a lot this year and know that going into 2020, I can feel it in my bones, heart and mind that this will be the best year yet. It will be a year of unimaginable growth, while I don’t know what exactly this year holds for me or for you, I know this new decade, new age will challenge us and uplift us through so many breakthroughs.

Breaking through barriers that once held us back. Breaking through to become the best version of yourself. Breaking through to taking that first step on the path you have always wanted to venture down. Cause let me say 2020 will be the year, hold me to my word where I and hopefully you too will be making breakthrough the barriers of our mind, opinions that once held us back. Staying on track may be hard but always move forward, despite how many times you get derailed, you will one day I know deep down will get to the destination you are hoping to go to or be at. While I do not have 2020 vision, and life is not perfect and neither are any of us, let’s venture into this new season, new age and new decade.

Cheers to 2020!!

3 Simple Ways to Add Joy Into Your Life

I used to think joy was brought to me through people and things, but as I grow and get older, I realize joy can simply come from within and finding moments within your day to practice joy. Little did I know that my mom buying me a book called, Breathe Gratitude would show me how to do just this. I highly suggest you have this book in your life, even if you do not think you need it because I honestly thought I knew how to practice gratitude and all that is involved. Well anyway enough of me babbling on, let’s jump into 3 simple to the point ways you can add joy into your life, no matter how hectic your life may look. I got you boo.

1. Finding the Joy to Enjoy

In each day, whether you are having the best or worst day, you can always find the joy in enjoy. What I mean is you can feel like you have no control over your emotions, but you do. You do have the power to find the joy in a crappy day, as little as it may be. There is always something you can count your blessings for. Once you do, hold onto it and remember to hold it tight to comfort or uplift you during the best and worst days. Joy will be there for you no matter what, people and things may not always be. So choose to spread joy with your spirit. Cause honey, listen, you are like no one else so celebrate the joy you bring to people’s lives. Because you do. Never forget to find joy in enjoying the best, okay and worst days of your life because they craft you in the person you are and hope to be. You got this and if you still don’t think so. I got your back and so does joy.

2. Stop with FOMO. Start with JOMO.

I am guessing you have heard of FOMO, Fear Of Missing Out, but you have not it simply refers to a fear of missing out when it comes to social settings or situations, especially when it comes to social media. I know I had and continue to deal with FOMO, especially when I jump onto Instagram and see on everyone’s highlight reel or posts that they are living their best life, or I catch myself comparing myself to influencers I do not even know. But what I have learned is I do not want my social media presence to be a highlight reel but a highlight real of what is going on my life, the good and bad because life isn’t always rainbows and dandies. So recently I have decided to go live and share in my posts, real life updates, not sugar coated or catchy captions because your girl wants to be real and create genuine connections. Anyway enough about me and FOMO. Simply put boo, stop with FOMO and start with JOMO… wait what’s JOMO?

Well I am glad you asked, JOMO is the Joy Of Missing Out, which means paying attention to the moments of joy. While Joy is often sold as something that can be bought, consumed or won by being popular and meeting the expectations of conformity. Real joy actually comes from doing your own thing without worrying what others will think. Simply it comes from breaking away from the norm in any way that feels normal to you. So whenever you feel a sense of FOMO, add some joy or may I say JOMO into your life. Think about how, where and why you feel. There is no winners in the game of emotions, because rather thieves (people and things) when it comes to our emotions. Play the game of emotions, but don’t be played by your emotions. Emotions may not make sense but that’s okay. It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to heal. It is okay to be happy again because no matter how bloom or doom your life looks in this moment, you can always find a friend in JOMO, or rather Joy.

3. Enjoying Joy in All Life’s Complexities

Enjoying joy can be quite simple and hard at times. So I am here to help you enjoy joy despite all the complexities life will bring your way. One thing that will help you find joy is creating a physical trigger that stimulates a memory whenever you need it. While people and things can leave you, joy will always be by your side to lift you up. Anyway the first step you can take i by recalling a moment where you felt truly content, full or satisfied. Then you will want to close your eyes and build on that memory that comes to mind with colors, sounds, feelings and sensations. Take a moment to fully let yourself sink into that joy you once felt and experience it until it becomes vivid and as real as it can be. Next, you can find a point on your body, you can either do this discretely or in public, your choice, but you will want to find a point on your body where you can apply pressure until the realness and rawness of the memory passes. You can do this by pushing your two fingers together, then once the feeling has faded off into existence you can sit still for a few breaths before you test yet again this new found place of joy. And then again, apply pressure to that point on your body and if you get the same feeling without any thought or action that means joy is here to stay.

While these are merely suggestions of how you can add joy into your life, you can find ways to add joy into your life that will best fit your mindset, lifestyle and needs. Understanding that joy may look different to you than me. Joy can and will always be a commonality that can connect us to each human being. So smile and enjoy the eminence of this life we get to live.

Enjoy the joy!!

Something to Someone

From now on, I have decided I will be writing a blog post every Monday dedicated to Mental Health called Mental Monday because many of us ourself, a dear friend or a loved one deals with some form of mental health. I do not want to refer to mental health as an issue, rather I am hoping to break down the stigma surrounding it because what better world would this be if we were allowed to express ourself and how we felt, instead of bottling it all up. So each Monday will be a message in a bottle to let you know you matter, and your mental health also does too. Starting with this Monday I wanted to start of the week with letting you know you are something to someone, even if you feel alone. You are never nothing to no one, but something to someone and much more. My dear, the one who is reading this, this poem in all its’ entirety (words & emotions) is for you:

Something to Someone

Nothing to No One

Anything to Anyone

Everything to Everyone

I just want to be something to someone

Not nothing to no one

And anything to anyone

Even Everything to Everyone

But I know I am not the only one

who see’s the rain in the rainbow

the sun in the sunshine

and the dark in the darkness of the night sky

the sunsets before the sunrises

I see a day before me

I see the hours as they disappear by

I count the months as they pass me by

I bring years with me

And I feel I have decades to go

But what if I only had today and not tomorrow

Would I be something for someone,

nothing to no one,

not anything to anyone,

but everything to everyone?

I guess I am not the only one,

The only one who feels

lost and found in a world

of selfies and likes

and each other’s highlight reels,

since the real of reality

is we are all searching to find

our identity

our community

our city

I guess that is why me is a part of home

Finding your home within the masses

of lost and found people & places

But within those spaces

you will find traces of faces

who let you know you are something to someone,

maybe even someone’s something

and that you are not nothing to no one

anything to anyone,

but everything to everyone who knows you.

I wrote this poem to celebrate who we are as individuals. I know many of us feel disconnected in a connected world. Many of us deal with anxiety and depression in part to the world we live in, and in part to social media. While social media is something most of us use, it can cause many of us including myself to not feel like we are successful enough, fit enough, pretty enough or simply enough. In writing this poem I wanted and want you to know you are enough on days that are tough, and on days where everything is going right. Life comes in waves but if you can ride the tide you will come to realize there is always people by your side (even if feel alone) that will swim depths for you (and keep your head above water). So let these words sink in because sometimes we feel we will never make it through this season of our life, but believe me you will and you will always be something to someone (family, friends, followers, acquaintances and possible fur friends included).

Be-leaf in Yourself

Over the past week, I came down with a nasty head cold and clogged ears. I literally felt like I was in a fish bowl anytime I talked because all I heard was my voice echoing back. But during that time, I realized something that yes you cannot hear well with clogged ears, but many of us are living in our own fish bowl. A fish bowl of expectations of what we expect from ourself and those around us. A fish bowl of filtered down messages tailored to fit us. A fish bowl of feeling stuck within the limits we put on ourselves. A fish bowl where I finally broke it and let the glass shatter of relationships and realizations. Realizing we tend to feel we are stuck inside a fish bowl of who we think we should be and what our next step should be, when being a fish out of water can teach you more than being the catch of the day.

Today, I shattered the damn fish bowl and started this week off with what I self proclaim as a Mindset Monday. I felt one text message from a friend turning a switch on in my mind that sometimes you got to let people and thoughts go like Fall leaves. Leaving behind all that has held you back and stepping into a new season of your life. A season where the leaves are so colorful, yet so rustic. A season where you can change with the leaves , yet be rooted in who you are. A season where learning life’s lessons looks a lot like the leaves in between fall and winter. A season where be-leafing in yourself , embracing your real, colorful and crumbling self can help you fall into a new season of life.

P.S. This autumn, do not forget to be-leaf in yourself and fall more in love with who you are.

Be Mildly You

I started the blog, Mildly Me since I wanted a space where I could connect with you. I was truly seeking a place where I could be my truly self and where others could express themselves for who they are. I wanted a place where we could talk about all things life, wellness and yes poetry. I found through coming up with a name, is that many us feel like we need to be mildly who they are, either you are too quiet or too loud so I feel most of us go through life being a mild (or maybe a wild child) version of ourself.

In this blog, I will share things I have and am going through, I guess you could say sharing life stories and possibly some life advice that you choose to take or just completely ignore, that’s cool too. I want you to feel welcome in this space to be who you are and for us to connect as if we were having a conversation over coffee in one of those Instagramable cafes, wherever you may be, but for me that would be beautiful Boise, Idaho (the land of potatoes). Here you are not alone, not anyone, but someone I want to get to know. I want to here your story, ask anyone and they would tell you I have conversations with random people and learn about their life story usually within 5 minutes in; I guess you could say it’s the journalist to me. In all honesty, I simply love getting to know people and hearing their story, each unique and beautiful.

This blog will also be a place where I will share with you everything wellness, which is mainly inspired by my continuous uphill, and somewhat downhill battle with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), which many of you may have never heard of it until right now. While this is an awfully rare syndrome, it has immensely impacted my life since my sophomore year of college, when I guess you could say my life was turned upside down. I know my battle is not the same as yours or anyone out there, but I am hoping through sharing my wellness journey we can better together, mentally, physically and emotionally; overall let’s get better to feel better (and have fun while doing — healthy fun — no pop champagne on this blog— well maybe occasionally to celebrate– cheers to you)

Last, but not least I will be sharing some of my poetry on here. If you know me then you probably know I love to write poetry — and used to share it on Instagram (@ahootofapoet), but stopped doing so about a year ago. Well now I feel there are some things that need to be said, and for people to hear to know they are not alone. I really hope through sharing my poems (words with feelings) that we can relate, laugh and maybe inspire one another to show some love to one another. Through my poetry, I really hope to show you (awesome if you read this far) that you have a friend in me, and maybe you can find a part of yourself in a poem or too. Words are so powerful, so let’s use them to empower each other 🙂

Again, welcome to Mildly Me, a place where you get to be you (the wild child you always wanted to be ) and get to be inspired and connected to all things life, wellness and yes poetry (no, I am no Poet but an aching, aspiring Poet)

Sincerely Someone,

Mildly Maddie

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