Ghosters: Modern Day Daters

Have you ever been ghosted or been the ghoster? Seriously, I think we all can admit we have either had this happen to us or been the one to do the ghosting. And if you are wondering what ghosting is, well pretty much it is when someone, specifically a love interest disappears out of thin air, never responding to that text(s), leaving you scratching your head, like what happened or glad I called the shot on that one. I feel ghosting has been happening since the dawn of time, just has looked different over the years, especially prevalent within our modern day society being rooted so much in wanting the next shiny thing, and wanting things instantaneously. Even myself has been ghosted before, and have even done the ghosting. Through dating, I have learned that ghosting honestly really has not much to do with you, it really has a lot to do with the other person.

A lot of the times, people do not know how to tell you they are just simply not feeling it or maybe you are just another person on their lineup of all the people they are talking to, or maybe even dating. With that being said, it can heartbreaking not getting that text or call from that person, at the same time it can show you there is something and someone to better to come in time. I have also realized that ghosting is quite childish, like if you cannot tell someone how you feel in a nice, clear and concise way, than are really an adult. While it easier to not say anything it all, it is also kind of you to tell someone how you truly feel and then turn the page. I feel in me being honest during dating, it has saved me some heartache but I have also experienced my fair share of breaking someone else’s heart, but with not so great guy or date, it will all lead you to the love of your life. I really truly believe there is a person out there for each and every one of you, don’t settle until then.

Keeping in mind though that we all live in the Information Age, where we are all hoping to find love. Sometimes, the person we were interested in may end up being ghoster, aha I love to call them Casper the ghoster. Or at times, we may even unintentionally doing the ghosting, since we just do not know how to tell someone where we are at, or maybe we just aren’t simply feeling it. No matter what it may be, always stay true to who you are and love unapologetically.

It is funny as I write this, I have had a few guys come to mind. One of them being a guy, who I met through a friend and said we would celebrate New Years together, but then just dropped off the face of the Earth and stopped texting me when that day rolled around.. And then out of the blue decided to text me on Valentines Day of 2016 saying he wanted to give me kiss, and I said peace out Nick (sorry not sorry). In the past year of 2020, I had myself a couple of ghosters, but for the sake of not exposing them, since I am kind, and well guys Nick was just prick, like wish him the best, but damn that is a bridge I burned and never want to have to cross over, ever again. Enough with what’s his name lol. Anyway so most recently in 2020, I guess you could say dated, but I would really call it talting (talking/dating–I just made up a word, don’t mind me).

The first one, we will call Myles (ps his name starts with K, so you can figure that one out), he had just gotten out of a very long term relationship and decided that I would become his therapist. I love helping and listening, but it came to a point of almost being draining. I also found it really weird that I was put onto a pedestal and idolized by this person, who really didn’t seem to know who they were, I get it, we are all trying to figure out who we are. But I just love for people to be who they are, nothing less. Anyway, he made a move on me which threw me for a loop then proceeded to mess with my feelings and decided to eventually ghost me, so there’s that. Some people just keep you around for their own selfish reasons, until something or someone comes around and they drop you like a fly, and then you become that fly on the wall. I wish him and his new love interest the best, but for some reason I feel I am still getting deja vu and guessing there is noting new, well there is with me, but I am keeping that top secret and my life has never been better, thanks M!

And the second and last one, we will call Barry (ps His name starts with… the letter I just capitalized). Wow I am really barring my skeletons to you guys, aha you all haven’t even seen half of it, I am not about putting about people on blast and feel for the most part I am withholding details that would disclose who someone is). Man well Barry, he was a good guy and we had really deep, good conversations for four months yet it never become more unfortunately. I tend to think I was just another chick on his list of other chicks. I find it funny though how someone can completely go ice cold on you while being luke warm for a while, guess it all just fizzled out and just wasn’t meant to be as they like to say. I wish him the best though, just wish I wasn’t thrown out of someone’s life by them like a crumbled piece of paper into a trash can of left on read.

I think we all have in some capacity experienced being ghosted, or been the ghoster. Or even being left on read for no reason at all, other than the person not having the courage to tell you they moved on, since no one wants to be the bad guy. You can be the good person, by simply telling someone how you truly feel, whether it breaks their heart or you fall madly in love, love is not a winning or losing game, it is the true test of life and you eventually bringing in new life to this world. So be honest with yourself and another person when you are out there dating, or even a committed relationship, it goes a long way, farther than you may expect. Last but not least, don’t be a ghoster (me, guilty) or get bogged down by being ghosting (I’ve been there, you aren’t alone), our past ghosters may haunt us or we may haunt them, no matter what it may be always cherish your time with someone, whether they are now a part of your past or currently in your present, be and love hoo you are because your OWLSOME (ending this with a good old owl pun, ps I have an owl obsession if you didn’t already know about that).

8 Dating Do’s & Don’ts

In looking back on the last year or my early twenties, I have gone on more dates than I can count. While that may be the case for some and not for other, either way there is nothing wrong when it comes to how you choose to go about dating. We are each on our own dating journey, so don’t compare your pitstop to someone else’s destination when it comes them being single or married. We all get to our final destination, our forever partner at different times in our lives, some meet their person sooner in life while others may not meet their person until after going through a handful heartbreaks. Your journey is what makes you, never forget that. With that being said, let me take on you a date on the do’s and don’ts of dating, not just from my experience but from friends and family experiences with dating. Hopefully, these “8 Dating Do’s & Don’ts” may help you the person reading this, relate or make you think about dating in a different light. No matter if your single, dating or married, we can always learn and grow as we go through life, and most importantly LOVE!

Let’s get into it…

  1. Do Be Interested

Some of us are scared to show someone we like them out of fear of rejection. But let me tell you, sending a nice text or doing a sweet gesture goes a long way. If you are someone like me, explicit cues like someone straight up telling me how they feel is far more important than implicit cues, which someone like me will not pick up on. I am saying send that long text, state and show your true feelings to that person, and well if they do not feel the same way, you know you showed how you truly felt versus playing cool. Showing and telling someone how you feel goes a longer way, than just playing it cool and being indifferent to them. Just do not be too hard on yourself, don’t overthink how you act, because someone should date and love you for you, not a version you think they may like.

Life is truly too short, love is too fleeting to not be or act interested in someone you like or may even find attractive (or both). And if you are simply not, then just send a nice text message (do not ghost that just makes you look immature and slightly shady, sorry not sorry, I hope your parents raised you slightly better than that, please have some sliver of respect because KARMA IS REAL.)

2. Don’t Think Too Far Ahead

Many of us are guilty of connecting with someone and thinking out our whole entire future with them. Well, hold your horses honey, just take it moment by moment, date by date before jumping in head first into the deep depths of dating. My advice is do ground yourself in reality to realize that you may not meet your person(or prince) after kissing a handful of frogs. So try to take the rose tinted colored glasses off and see the person for who they truly are, or who your close friends and family see them for. I feel it is important in the early stages of getting to know someone or dating them to seek advice for close family members or friends who may be seeing things you aren’t, since well they are not as invested as you are.

In dating it is important to stay in the now, and just really take it date by date. Over time, you truly get to know and see someone for who there. Always remember time is on your side, and do not start planning out your wedding from the second of meeting someone because most of the time that will end up in you just projecting what you want in a partner onto them. It is important to date in the now, reflect on your dating past, learn from your past dating experiences to seek out what you potentially want in a partner.

3. Do Focus on How You Feel

It is important to focus on how you feel. While your friends and family may like or love someone, it is important for you to feel those feelings as well since you will be spending a whole lot more time with them then they will. I feel it is also important to focus on what your gut is telling you. I can’t tell you how many times, one person in particular where I felt uneasy around, like something in my gut was telling me something off. Although I never pinned down what it was, I know now I am so happy I listened to my gut and walked away from that situation. Your body more than your mind and heart can pick up on things, that sometimes we ourselves cannot understand. Don’t forget to listen to your gut and lean into your feelings, since they will signal and let you know how you feel about someone. Many times, we misinterpret our feelings for liking someone a lot when it is more than that, so just feel your feelings, don’t feel one bit about it, since it will lead you to the right partner and rid you of the potential, toxic partners (I know some of you reading this have been there, you feel me?!).

4. Don’t Be Afraid to say Your Expectations

Seriously do not feel bad or be afraid to say what your expectations are when it comes to a potential partner. It is important to share and state your dating guidelines with you partner fairly early on to see if you two are even on the same page. Because I know from my own dating experiences, as well as friends and family that we end up dating someone for months, only to find out that they are just really not in the market for a serious relationship or finally figure out that they cannot live up to your expectations. My real, raw and honest advice is telling someone you are interested in is what you are looking for a partner.

If you do not, you may end up being frustrated and sad as to why things did not workout or why they are so many miscommunications between the two of you over time. Do not share a whole entire list with them, but do have (an) authentic conversation(s) with them over time in the early stages of dating, so it sets the foundation for a strong, withstanding relationship and eventual partnership down the dating road. Never lower your expectations to fit someone else’s idea of a relationship, do though have realistic expectations and exemplify them through your actions too. Let me just say you are worthy of someone f*cking amazing, and vice versa, never forget that honey, there is someone out there for each and every one of you (even if you have already met them and are committed, engaged or married).

5. Do Be Who You Are

Be unapologetically who you are to the core. And well if someone does not like you for you, then just wish them the best. It is so important to not become a version of yourself to fit that person’s ideal partner. I feel this is something that comes with time and gaining confidence in who you are. I always love to compare our twenties as each of us going into a costume shop and trying out different costumes, only to eventually walk out of there being completely fine in who we are. While you may have some insecurities which is completely normal, you should lean into those and see why you want to change those things about yourself. Is it family, friends or society telling you have to change who you are to be deemed worthy or beautiful, if so, listen yet tune into the pieces and parts who make up the person you are. Never doubt or forget, there is only one of you in this world, so keep being and doing you. Eventually in time, someone down the line will come into your life who loves you fully for all that makes you, you (the good, bad and in between). If someone truly loves you, they will love you not only at your best, but at your lowest. So continue to be who you are even if you feel like you do not fit the mold of those you see as your scroll on social media or in a small(ish) town like Boise, Idaho. Beauty goes beyond just looks, beauty can be found in your soul and shine through your spirit. Love hoo you are because you are truly F*CKING OWLSOME!!

ps I love owls, hoo would’ve known, just if you didn’t know that already, man you, yes the person reading this may think I am hoot, well that’s fine, cause I am me, and well you are you, so in the end that makes two of us (or maybe just one of you)

6. Don’t Judge by The First Date

I feel many of are guilty of judging someone off the first date, well at least I am. I feel it is important to go on a second or third date. Reason being, on the first date, most likely you and that person are fairly nervous if you have never met each other in person before. I really do feel it is important to not make assumptions of someone off just the first date, unless well if there are things that you do not see yourself being able to work pass. So give them and yourself a chance to really go on a couple or few dates, before making a rash decision about whether or not you want to date them. This goes for you people who have been talking forever over text or phone calls in getting to know someone, truly allow the date or dates to evolve into what they are meant to be, not an idealized idea of how the person should act or look in your head. Let your nerves settle down, and take your time in getting to know someone or even dating them, you can find out and connect with someone you may not have thought you would.

7. Do Meet Somewhere Public & Place You Both Like

It is important on a first date or even in the beginning stages of dating that you meet in a public place such as a populated park, restaurant or area where other people can see you. I say this because you never know who truly someone is even after talking for them a while and stalking them on social media (because we all do that, even if do not say so explicitly). It is important to also research someone before you meet up, just to make sure you are not going on a date with someone who could possibly cause harm to you. I say this because many of us nowadays likely meet someone online through a dating app, social media (Instagram or Facebook) or through a mutual friend. Last but not least, when meeting someone for the first time, pick a place you both like and feel comfortable meeting up at. When it comes to dating or just getting to know someone, it is crucial for you to feel secure and comfortable. If not, then please listen to your gut and do not meet up or go on a date with someone if you truly do not feel comfortable. Your body as I like to say sometimes knows better than your mind and heart. Trust your gut and intuition, as I like to say (or as someone told me long, long ago).

8. Don’t Forget to tell Family & Friends who You Are Going With

No matter what, do not forget to tell your family and friends who you are meeting or going on a date with. It is important to let those you are close know your whereabouts in case anything was to happen to you. So text when you arrive at your destination and when you leave to let those you love know you are safe. It may also be important to share your Snapchat location with a friend locally in case something was to happen to. You never know nowadays, so having tags on someone can help in making sure you are safe, and reassuring your loved ones you are too. I do not tell you this to scare you, yet this important to be in communication with your family or friends, even if you are meeting up with a friend or going on a hike alone, just so they know where you are. I always tell my family and sometimes my friends were I am going so they know, and can do something if something happens to me. Just do not forget to communicate and practice safety whenever you are going somewhere by yourself or with a friend, or meeting a new person.

The Destinations & Detours of Dating

I hope these “Dating Do’s & Don’ts” can help you as you continue on your dating journey, or even reflect on what dating was like for you before you met your forever person. I feel each person’s dating journey is different, yet similar. Some of us date more than others, and some of us have never been a long term relationship before. No matter where you are at in your dating journey, just know it is your journey, not anyone else’s. So do not compare your season of singleness to someone’s season of marriage. We all go through different seasons in life at different times, so appreciate the time you have.

Learn all you can about life and love, what you want and do not want in a future partner. Through dating, you will find more about yourself, who you want to be as a partner and what you seek in a relationship for it to be healthy, withstanding and for you feel fulfilled (and loved). Just remembering the longest relationship you’ll ever be in is the one with yourself, so learn to love yourself and the rest will follow (as they tend or like to say). Taking it day by day, date by date, you got this (and you can survive even those worst heartbreak and breakups — p.s. they will make you appreciate eventually your life long partner).

Irish Roots

Today when I am writing this is March 17, St. Patrick’s Day which is a huge celebration for the Irish. When I think back to the first, only time I visited Ireland, I was 15 going to be 16. Then, I thought I knew what it is to be Irish. But even a decade later, I do not know what it really means to be Irish. While my grandma spent many of her formative years in Ireland and I still have family there, I have yet to discover what being Irish exactly means. That is why I hope to one day have the opportunity to stay in Ireland for a month to just travel around the country, and spend time with family over there. I hope when that day comes, I will get to visit with my future husband and teach him the parts of myself I have yet to discover, which is what it means to be a dual citizen of a country(Ireland) you really have not gotten to spend much time in.

I know they say time is essence, but I really do believe it is. My Irish grandma is about to turn 91 this Friday on March 19th, I joke with her it is her backwards golden birthday. She smirks and her eyes light up whenever I say that. I hope my grandma knows how much she means to me, and so many. My grandma is the one person I lovely so deeply, admire and seek validation from. She has taught me how to treat others through her actions, which is to pretty much give grace to every single person. My grandma has told me time after time, she has never met a person she does not like, which I along with many of you reading could beg to differ. She has taught me what it means to love deeply, she was married to my grandpa for 58 years, up until the day he passed and is still committed to him years later. I hope for myself and for you that you find a love so deep that it does not run dry when that person is no longer here physically, I feel each of us deserve to be loved and to love deeply, and unapologetically. I bet my lucky charms, we each find that pot of gold, our purpose in life and partner in love at different moments and times in our lives, for reasons and lessons we may never understand, even years later or right now.

My one and only hope is that I find out more about my Irish roots, such as where are they rooted and what seeds have yet to be planted… I think all of us wonder what will life be like tomorrow, ten months from now, ten years from today, yet time teaches you to appreciate every moment you get and memory made. Sometimes we live like we got our whole lives before us, when we never truly now when our time will come. I hope that in time, we find our roots, whether that is your heritage, your purpose or your partner. Whether your plant(s) bloom, or the weeds take over, always know you can grow through whatever you may go through. I truly believe life always works out for the best, even if we cannot see it now. So plant your roots wherever you please, just remember to always be kind to yourself and those around you. Hopefully each of us can live more like my Irish grandma who always seems to see and find the good in each person, and situation. Sláinte!!!

The Dating Dilemma

It is crazy to think that when we become teenagers then adults, we embark on the journey of finding our other half. And in order to do that, for most of us, we got to date a good amount of people until we find our so-called person. Well for those lucky few of you find that person when your kids, or when your middle or high school teenagers, I guess you get to save yourself a heartbreak or two. Besides the fact, no matter what age we are, we are all just trying to figure out who we are going to be, what we are going to do and how that all will come to fruition.

With that being said, I have noticed time is always on our side, it helps you see someone for who they truly are, not what their words tell you. Over the years, I have learned to listen more to what someone’s actions say versus their words. I like to say I am a big believer in that quote, “words tell you who someone wants to be while actions tell you who they truly are”, I think that is how the quote goes, right?! Well besides the fact of not knowing the exact wording, maybe someone can eventually look it up, correct me and send me the correct wording; I’d greatly appreciate that. As I write this, I have all these memories/stories flood into my mind, but for the sake of time, and me actually hoping to turn my many heartbreaks into a book one day, I am not going to share it all in one go. Because well that would be overwhelming and I don’t think any of you would want to spend that much time reading about all my crazy, interesting and insightful dating stories. Honestly, let me take you, yes the person reading this on a first date, let’s get acquainted with one another, I promise I won’t make this awkward, unless you or I do.

So now that I asked you to go on this first (virtual) date that is because #COVIDSTILLEXISTS, so trying to practice all the safety and social distancing protocols. And well you just had to accept my request because you must not have anything better going on if you are reading this, or maybe you’re genuinely intrigued by my dating life, which is honestly non-existent at this point because… well we will get to that soon so please be patient with me (and hopefully love me for me, isn’t that what we all want?!) Here we are sitting down, right across from one another at that coffee shop or restaurant we both agreed on. As both of us talk, well I think each of us endure yet again another round of small talk because no one wants to get deep on the first date, because you don’t want to think the person right across from you has any form of baggage (and no one wants to carry that around like luggage).

But as both of you get comfortable, you start to notice that you aren’t alone when it comes to this never ending game of dating, if you win I guess your either married or in a relationship, well if you don’t then your likely single or just had your heartbroken. I guess you can call me both a winner and loser when it comes to game of dating. I hate to call dating a game, yet in our young adult years it feels just like that, it seems like people either use you for their own self serving interests, ghost or gaslight you. Don’t get me started on the dating apps, or your friends trying to set you up yet again with one of their friends. I feel all options are great when it comes to dating. Well I have yet to meet that person where it all just makes sense. Like people say you know, when you know and I thought I have, but maybe I am just a cat with nine lives (I have lost 3 already if you’re wondering) who has yet to meet the purr-fect match for me. I don’t believe in soulmates, or love at first sight, but according to some sources it exists, like they found someone in the midst of it all, wish I could fall into whatever trap or contraption they fell into. Don’t we all hope for that one day, where we can just do life with our partner, best friend and build a life we are both proud of and get a dog or two while we are at it.

I know we all hope for these things, and if you reading this are like no I don’t at all well can I have what you are drinking. I know we all order drinks and take shots at the same bar, hoping that person will walk through that door or we will make eye contact and find them in a crowded room. But sorry to break it to you, that’s not reality or life. Meaning you can be like me who has dated more people than I can remember, because I thought well that’s what you are supposed to do in your twenties after you get your heart broken by the guy who you first seriously dated and thought you’d build a life with. News flash, it was not meant to be and I am beyond happy we parted ways, because I know the path I am on after many detours and pitstops will lead me to my person, or hopefully (actually I know) the person who will accept and love me for me.

I guess what I am trying to say to the person reading this is not to give up hope, because well I have many times yet here I am still a hopeless romantic. Here I am, yet again single, because I am not settling and well let’s just say I needed to take some time for myself too. As one of my friends likes to joke is that I was in a relationship with dating for the past year, and well she was not wrong. I even like to joke that I have survived a mandemic in the midst of a pandemic. In all seriousness, I know what it feels like to be alone, to be in love and to wonder if you will ever find that person. If no one has told you this, I want you to know you are worthy of love and someone who doesn’t make you feel like a liability. I know the lines sometimes get blurred, yet with time it will become a lot clearer of what you want in a partner. So in the meantime, I encourage you to keep doing the things you love, meeting new people and experimenting (whatever that may be, just remember practice safety). I like to say love is like an experiment, where most of the time you have all the steps/directions right in front of you, yet you keep not getting the intended result until after many attempts you finally get it right. If you didn’t get it wrong, your heart broken or have yet another token of you taken, you would never know and appreciate a love that is meant for you. I truly believe two people are made for each other, your partner should be there to challenge, support and comfort you. And we all find that person at different points in our lives, so do not compare your pitstop to someone’s destination. Until you find that you should not settle for anything less than someone who wants to be your best friend, partner and lover.

PS I hope our first (virtual) date with one another went somewhat well, despite some of the detours along the way. Do stick with me though for a second date, because I am excited to share what’s ahead and it might just involve some helpful, laughable and insightful tips. Just know I got the tip covered, if you got the bill. Well can’t wait to see where it goes from here, so jump in, buckle up and let’s get going. And take our time to get to know one another, before we jump ship, I promise the

Be You & Only You

It has been a while since I last posted on here, well that might be because I lost myself in the midst of the last year (or a Mandemic as some of my friends and me like to joke about). I lost who I was and all I wanted to be. Crazy how feelings can do just that to you. I threw myself into relationships that were not healthy, unfulfilling to say the least. I relived all the situations I tried to avoid back in my teenage and early twenties. Crazy how fast reality can hit you, then you are back feeling lonely and truly like no one gets you. You, the person reading this, I know you have felt that void before. And don’t we try to avoid that void, like we do with accidents while driving, defensive driving is what they call that, right? I feel I am yet again the accident on the side of the road that everyone looks at as the drive by and on with their lives, yet to feel like I am better left in everyone’s rear view mirrors. Or swerve because you want to avoid that one, because she is just debris on your way to your destination.

I know some of you reading this, who know me or maybe don’t know me at all, feel this is not true because you think I am just someone who always seems to have it together. While others who truly know me would say different, they would say I need to be on my own to find happiness, and maybe that is true. Yet what about if you have always felt alone, like no one truly gets you, I’d say it be dangerous to allow me to be on my own since I may forever want it to be that way. Today and for a while I have been reflecting on the past year of my life, this blog and where I hope all this goes.

I just think about who I was a year ago, I remember saying I was better off on my own, and now I am truly believing that to be true. I think all of us hope we can find someone, or a semblance of something where we feel like we can and be accepted for who we are. But what about if we never find that thing or person. What about if you have to love yourself before someone else can love you? I don’t know if that one is completely true, but it is up for debate so feel free to comment below if you agree/disagree. Or why don’t they say when your younger that fairytales aren’t preparing you one bit for a happy ever after? Well, unless your my grandma and find your soulmate at 21, I thought that was what love was/and still is, and wow I was beyond wrong, yet maybe I just need to be romantic, rather than a realist.

In reality, I feel each of us live in this world of what if’s, when what now is shaping us into who and what we will become. I sometimes wish I could see the person I will become a month, year or decade from now, such questions as who will I be, what will I be doing and where will have life taken me come to mind. I know we all wonder and wander off the path, taking detours as we arrive at pitstops along our journey. Yet if you knew your destination, would you tell that person how you truly felt, would you live life more to the fullest and would you chase after what sets your soul on fire. I guess what I am saying is throughout the twist and turns of life, we tend to get lost and caught up in the hustle and bustle that surrounds us. We lose, give and gain parts of ourself back, only to find that who we are will always be enough for the right people. I used to think that I had to shape myself to fit the mold of what someone else thought I should be, and well that is just not the case.

I have learned I can completely be myself, and someone will just not get it and that is totally fine because someone out there will. What I am saying is to always without a doubt to be you and only you. There will be someone, friends, coworkers or a lover out there who will accept, support and celebrate you. You, the person reading this have a reason to be here, if you don’t believe me, just know I have been there too. It gets hard when time and time again, people cause you pain. But hey for all the people who let you down, there are many more who are there to lift you up. So don’t feel weighed down by your past, present or even your future. Each moment holds a place, a space for you to grow and maybe even a face to show you that there’s more to life than those who held your heart, hand or mind.

You are one of kind, and hard to find. That’s why when I say “Mildly Me”, it is because many of us feel we have to tone up and down parts of ourself to feel we are accepted by others. We are all at times, most of the time living a mild version of who we are since we have molded ourselves to want to feel wanted and loved by those around us. No matter the time, day or moment, always know the version we show tends to be Mildly Me, so in those vulnerable moments always choose to be you and only you, it will always bring you close to those already in your life and those who are meant to be there with you. With that being said, I am back, more in my feelings than ever and here to share what I have learned through the past year of my life about love, life and relationships in hopes that I can help you feel less alone and maybe you can learn from my mistakes, or one day maybe revel in me making it to the mountain top after continuously falling down and having to get right back up and keep on going.

So if you read this far, always remember to keep going, no matter what obstacle in life you may be faced with. Never forget that life is journey, not a race to see who gets there first. Since first place doesn’t always get the medal, and sometimes we are put onto pedestals that we are meant to fall off of to find our balance, who we are in this moment and meant to be in this lifetime. Time after time, continue to choose to be you & only you!

13 things i have learned in 25 years

It is crazy to write this knowing I am have now been 25 for almost two weeks now. If you would have told me 10 years ago at 15, I would be here, I would not believe you one bit. At 15, I pictured myself married and starting out a new chapter of my life, the one were you settle down.

Little did I know that I would be no where close to settling down but finding myself again. The 24th year of my life taught me a lot about who I was and all of what I want to be as a human on this earth. While I know, I am one among a bigilloin people on this Earth, I know each of us have a purpose to be here and a story to write. No one person is the same as you, and even if you think so, let me tell you are here for a reason, even if you do not understand the seasons of life you may go through. Sometimes we never do, but that is beauty of the lessons life will teach you.

So with that being said, let’s fall into the things I have learned during this past quarter century of life, and maybe you will read this and see we all go through things that make us who we are. Read this not with a gaze, but be amazed at how far you have come and go in this lifetime.

Life is truly short in hindsight, so with each day let your light shine, even when you feel like you are a star fading out with the doubts, shout out loud you are worth the things that make you, you…. enough of me rambling, here we go friends, let’s get deep and personal with one another… or just more me.

  1. Things and People Change

2020 has truly taught us that things can change within the matter of minutes and months. While that is not something we are not unfamiliar to as humans, it is something we should realize that each moment should be lived with intent. And not that maybe some people aren’t meant to be in our life forever. Letting go is truly harder than it seems when all you want to do is hold onto is what is familiar, and feels comfortable. But in those uncomfortable moments of life, is when real growth and change can happen. Hopefully, we all come out of 2020 with a newfound perspective and an appreciation for all those surround us, because what is now will eventually fade into the things and people we used to know, so enjoy the journey life will take you on.

Song: Change by NF

2. LOVE AND LIFE

I used to always think love was to fill up parts of someone else. But no love is truly is caring for another person. You don’t have to empty parts of your self to fill another person up. I have realized I don’t have to give to get. That love is unconditional and I am beyond grateful for those who have showed me love when I had nothing more to give. While I a cynic when it comes to love, I have learned that yes you can get your heart broken a handful of a times in a year and still be able to love yourself, when no one seems or will ever want to.

Being alone has made me realize that yah I have gone on more dates than I can count, and each one has taught me something about myself. So yah, call me what you want to… it truly won’t bother me anymore. I know my worth, and I am worthwhile of love. Yah I am not perfect, I have made more mistakes I would like to take credit for, but it honestly can get annoying when I feel every guy I encounter wants me more for a prized possession than actually a present to handle with love, care and appreciation. So yah it has been a cruel year when it comes to love and life, but I am still a believer and I don’t know why…

Song: Livin’ on Love

3. MUSIC IS MY MUSE

I think we all listen to music and feel a tad less alone in this world. Music can truly connect us in ways we will not understand. So yes music is my muse, and likely yours’ too. But I highly suggest turning on your favorite song and just dancing in the comfort of your apartment, house, bedroom or car. It makes you feel free from all that is holding you down, or back. So just dance to the beat of your own drum, and SHAKE IT OFF.

Song: Shake It Off By Taylor Swift

4. TAKE YOUR TIME

People love to say time is of the essence, but I believe time is truly the seconds, minutes, and hours you make out of it. Not every day you will be keep track of time, but time can teach you lessons and heal all wounds. Time will continue to tick on, so just take your time when it comes to life. We are all on a different timeline than one another, so do not compare your timeline to someone else’s.

Song: if this is the last time by LANY

5. CALL SOMEONE OVER TEXTING THEM

This year taught me to call those close to you because texting can be so impersonal. And that calling and hearing someone’s voice can remind you that we just aren’t living behind screens. So call someone today, tell them how much you care about them and just talk. Everyone can send a text, but it takes someone special to call you. WORDS HOLD WEIGHT BUT VOICES ARE HEAVIER… AND WON’T ALWAYS BE THERE FOREVER!

Song: Call on Me by Starley

6. SEND SOMETHING SPECIAL

Sometimes on somedays, we worry about the most meniscal stuff. So send something special to someone, it could be a simple text or present. There is nothing more special than sending someone something that reminds them that their presence is a present to this world, because it truly is. Stop what you are doing and send something special to someone, no matter if they appreciate it or not, do something heartfelt every once in awhile. This world needs love more now than ever before, so adore and show love to those around you.

Song: Something About You by Hayden James (ODEZA Remix)

7. SET SETTLE INTENTIONS

I say set settle intentions because many of the times we set intentions or goals that are beyond anyone’s expectations. So set settle intentions that can help you take that step toward where you want to go and be. Be true in your intentions, and don’t expect any mentions. Just live for your intentions, not someone else’s expectations.

Song: Intentions by Justin Bieber

8. LOVE OVER HATE

This past year I could have show and shared hate over love, but I decided to always show love even when I felt that person didn’t deserve it. I say that because love can be truly hard to show and share, when you feel like people constantly use you for their own needs and wants. While I now know the truth of the situation of months later, and am not at all surprised by it. Almost like we know when people are lying to us, but hey the truth always comes out and welp you just have to live with it. No matter what happens or someone does to me, I will always choose love over hate, and I hope you can too even when it is beyond hard to do so.

Song: ILYSB By LANY & i hate u, i love u by gnash (ft. Olivia O’brien)

9. RELISH IN HAPPINESS

I have always been the person who wonders when something great will end. Like I know the spark won’t last forever and soon the flame will be blown out and the smoke will soon fill the space. But what I have realized that when I feel happy, I should relish in it. There are many days when things aren’t great but there other days that are amazing. Hold onto that happiness because it will come in handy when you are faced with tough times, and maybe sadness. Relishing in happiness just makes you feel full, even on on the days when you feel empty.

Song: Be Happy by Dixie D’ Amelio

10. FIND FAITH IN FEAR

When I say faith, I do not mean religion but rather the belief you are enough and good things are coming your way. Each day I am trying to believe that my real moments of growth are when I am sitting with my thoughts or reminding myself along with friends that it is normal to feel not okay. It is okay to feel lost or misunderstood or nothing is going right. We all feel those feelings every once in awhile, some more than others.

But imagine if we shared how we were feeling or felt, over always masking our feelings. There is beauty and true admiration in showing how you feel, and I feel we will or would feel less lonely in this world if we did so. So here’s to you and me, finding faith in fear, during the highs and lows, slow down and enjoy these moments dear, because nothing ever lasts forever.

Song: Faith by George Michael

11. SHOW VS. SHARE

We all can show who we are with our actions, but our words share part of who we want to be in this world. Imagine if our actions and words lined up, would you believe or disregard? Well all I know is by showing people you care is far better than sharing how you will be there for them. While sharing can help, showing up and being there for that person means more than you think. So the next time, you are talking with a family member, friend or love; show up and share so you can be there for each other.

Song: Show Me Love by Sam Feldt (ft. Kimberly Anne)

12. FORGIVE & FORGET

While forgiving and forgetting are feats in their own regard, you have don’t have to forgive to forget or vice versa. I have learned with time you can become indifferent. I realized this when first I listened to a Taylor Swift song, “I Forgot You Existed” and realized that through the lyrics of song you can move on with your life with honestly doing either. I also read a book called, “The Gift of Forgiveness”, which within the pages takes you on a journey through the different paths people take on the journey to arrive at their desired destination of forgiveness. While I can’t tell you how you should do either, forgiving or forgetting, what I can tell is with time, things become clearer and you will always end up at where and who you belong with. Life has a weird way of working out when it comes to directions and detours you take on this never ending road of twists and turns, eventually you realize it is all a part of your journey.

Song: Forgive & Forget by The Kooks (This one will always make me dance…. damn this is a BOP)

13. FIND BEAUTY IN EACH THING AND PERSON

At times, it can be hard to find beauty in the things we acquire or the people we meet or know. But with each day, each of us including myself should look to find beauty in each thing we get to have and person we encounter, whether it or they adds or takes away from our life, we should be grateful to simply have the privilege to live. Sometimes we take life, things and people for granted and do not realize their value until they are gone. So appreciate every thing and every one that comes in and out of your life. Cause while we as a person may be a collection of things, relationships, moments, keepsakes and dreams, let’s always try to find the sliver linings in all of it. When it is all over, we will be reaching for the things and people who all added a sentence, paragraph and chapter in our book of life. So get up each day, looking forward to writing another page of your story and getting to be a part of someone else’s too. Our stories, voices, and thoughts hold so much value, just got to invest and deposit them from time to time in the banks of people and things that collect the bits and pieces of us.

I decided to stop at 13 things…. because 25 things is just a lot to process, write and share in one go. So sometime in the near future, I have no clue when it will be, but hopefully soon… I will think of 12 other things I have learned in my 25 years of life in this earth. For those of you, who are younger or older than 25, please take these things I shared with a grain of salt and sprinkle them into your mind, life and body when seems fit. Hopefully, no matter how old you are, you can connect, grow, and from what I shared. Because aren’t we all hoping to be feel a little more connected in what seems at times a rather disconnected world. LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!

Song: Beautiful by Bazzi (ft. Camila Cabello)

OVERALL SONG YOU SHOULD BLAST: Paradise by Bazzi 🙂

Always remember to BE HOO YOU ARE, CAUSE YOU’RE OWLSOME!

Mildly’s me metamorphosis

Almost a year ago, I started “Mildly Me”. Back then I had the intention of writing content that was raw and embodied the experiences many of us go through on a daily basis. If anybody would have told me I would be here at this moment in time, I would not had believed them one bit. I may have believed bits and parts, because when it comes to yourself, you know what will last and what will fade. And when relationships, friendships included are made on rugged rubble, would you expect them to withstand all the hardships? Probably not. Well this past year I learned that letting go is a lot harder than it looks. I also learned that what I write is truly all I have at this point in time; because people come and go in and out of your life like seasons, and maybe for some very good reasons.

It is honestly crazy how much can change in a year, a season, a month and a day. Where I was last year is a place and a person I never want to revisit. Where I was last season in the midst of the season of Spring is a version of myself I want to leave behind. Where I was last month is the woman I want to tell who cares, do whatever and be whoever the hell you want to. What is heaven without not a little bit of hell. Who would I be if I did not make the choices I did. The choice to leave a relationship crumbling right in front of me. The choice to learn from saying yes aimlessly to standing firm in a no. The choice to choose who and what I surround myself with. While this year and these choices have been be a bit easy, it is the people and things that broke me who built me into who I am today. Today, I am the wanderlust of a whimsical woman wondering what’s next, only to know that Mildly Me will continue to embody all the peaks and meadows each of go and grow through each day. Toning down and cranking up the parts of ourself to be the mild, and sometimes wild versions of ourselves.

Mildly me isn’t just me. It is you, the person reading this. It is the person, who feels like they are never enough. It is the social butterfly, who sometimes feels like they are maybe too much. It is the child, whose learning to use their voice. It is the adult, whose lost the curiosity of a child. It is the grandparent, who wonders what their legacy will one day be. It is all of us, far and close a part, stringed together by humanity, a city and entity. Mildly Me is the parts of yourself you decide to show and the ones you decide to hide, because all of what makes us who we are is perfectly imperfect. So show up every day being who you are, whether that is Mildly Me or not. You got a heart, body and a voice that embodies only you, and no one else, so always choose to be who you are and more.

Better Off on My Own

Lately I have been feeling this sense of just being better off on my own. I don’t say that to be negative, but rather I just feel like I don’t want anyone to be carrying around my baggage like its their luggage. I see everyone so happy, content, in love or just living their life on their own terms, and then…

I look at myself and wonder how did I get here, why did I let a guy for the last year of my life make me feel like there was a ticking time bomb ready to explode right in my face. When it did and I had to carry the weight of knowing I had to leave for my own sanity, and then to be caught up in the fear of carrying something else too. In the process, I honestly felt myself losing pieces of who I am to fill that of those around me. Maybe if I do this, then everyone will be happy.

But what I realized is for years I have been sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of love, while some may say that’s a flaw, I think we all fill parts of ourselves in people and with things we are lacking to feel whole. I can honestly think back to college when one of my roommates said Maddie I can’t keep up with how many guys you are dating. Back then I was lost and trying to find myself in other people (and I guess now I still am too), some who would take up my time and others I would never give a chance.

See what I realized then and now is that the moments I have felt most alone have been the moments when I truly grow and find what I need. While I’m flawed beyond belief, I know that maybe by me saying I’m better off on my own is better for the sake of those around me, including myself.

No I’m not saying I want to be alone forever. And that Yes I do want to find love again, and eventually a family, but for now I need time to grow and honestly I don’t know what that looks like. But what I do know is the next time love comes knocking on my door, I am going to do everything in my power to keep that private for the sake of my own well being and happiness. Because I’m done living for the approval around me. Whoever that person ends up being, we will be darn lucky and beyond happy to have each other.

In the meantime and as I go through life, I will continue to turn to music and poetry to get me through it all. And if you feel or felt like do, please know you are not alone but rather something and someone great is down the road, waiting for you to arrive at your destination, them.

PS the name for this post was inspired by the one and only Taylor Swift’s song, “King of My Heart” . Also some songs I have been listening to remind me that my feelings and thoughts are valid, as are your’s are “Hand Me Down and Overjoyed by Matchbox Twenty”, “Lonely by Noah Cyrus” and “Anyone by Demi Lovato” . As always, love you all beyond words!

Marchin' On

It has been awhile since I last wrote a blog post. It was actually two months til this day that I remember writing a blog post about telling my side of the story in a heartbreak. But now that it has been two months and things have quite changed, I thought I hop on here to tell you how you can or how I have been marching on through these truly unknown times.

They say moving on from a heartbreak takes time and I would have to totally agree but it also takes a good amount of healing. See I did not know what it felt like to lose someone I cared and still care so much for until well it happened. I felt a sense of abandonment and have felt quite alone during this time in my life, not just from the Coronavirus. In being alone I learned no one can make me happy, except for myself. So now and going forward I am learning that it is okay for me to not always people please. Noticing that most of my life I have spent trying to make those around me happy while letting my own happiness suffer. No matter what life looks like in this season, I want to work on being my own best cheerleader and going after things and experiences I have always wanted to, and I challenge you to do the same.

As for this whole coronavirus thing, I honestly feel a sense of anxiety and depression for our world, our country and my community, because I see the various ways people’s lives are being affected, whether they be those in the healthcare field or a college student. Right now life feels more uncertain than ever. But in all honesty it has felt like that for me since this year began. I knew from the beginning of this year that I didn’t know what my then relationship held, my future held and really who I was becoming. I like to say with time we lose pieces of who we are, but in all honesty I think we just get scarred and hugged by experiences and memories. I like to say I am moving on…. but with each day I feel like I am marching through a war zone of uncertain emotions, feelings and times. At this time, deep down in my gut, heart and mind I know what is right for me, but would I rather be hurt or be vulnerable, I still cannot decide. Maybe when I finally decide, it will be too late or maybe just a tad too early. But I guess time can only tell how we will march on from this pandemic and the own battles we continue to fight and win with ourselves.

If I could say one thing, it would be to continue marchin’ on with kindness, love, acceptance, and gratefulness for those around you, close and far away.

The Telling Truth

The phrase “The Telling Truth” kept coming to my mind, time and time again over the past weekend. I don’t know if it was my subconscious trying to tell me something or not, but anyway I am sitting down here to write a story from my side, or rather I guess a break up of a relationship from my point of view. While I feel sometimes we should keep things to ourself, and that people think they know what it is going on from what they have been told, I thought I would tell my side of the story.

Our story began back in October of my senior year and his junior year. At the time I was honestly not looking for anything serious because I had dated quite a few guys beforehand and just honestly had given up on dating . So after blowing off this guy three times, who some of you may know his name, I decided to give him a chance because I said so what. So what if I have a never failed dating experience or what not. Well anyway I went on this date and I guess you could say the rest is history. The moment I saw his car I thought of my late grandpa because my grandpa used to drive a Buick, so I thought this must be sign. As we talked on our first date and got to know each other better I really started to fall for him, as much as I resisted opening the bars and chains around my heart.

I broke down barriers of walls I built because I really thought this guy was the one. I know people reading this may find this silly but sometimes you just feel it in your bones, thoughts and heart that this person really gets me. But as time went on, the scars of past trauma upon me started to be revealed and I guess that was just too much. As my depression and anxiety worsened due to a horrible first job of out college situation where I faced harassment, he stayed and supported me. Then my depression and anxiety came back full force and I was going through a real tough time, like real tough but honestly no one knew expect myself this year. Near the tail end, I guess he just gave up. Gave up on me, goals he supposedly had of becoming of a surgeon, and just the relationship itself. In the meantime I tried to save a sinking ship, but as I did I felt myself drowning just trying to keep our relationship afloat.

And when he said he didn’t see a future with me or of us. I felt my world crumbling, how could someone go from saying you would never be too much to saying you are now more than ever way too much for me at this moment. See that is not what love is, love is being there for someone at their number one in show to when they come in last place, or they cannot even put one foot in front of another. But I guess love to him was only lust, and maybe we ought to know the difference in this day and age, where many of us would rather focus on ourself than helping those around us. I am not telling this my story for you to feel sorry for me but to let you know you are not alone, if you are going through a very trying time in your life.

Since I moved out from the apartment where we lived together, I have felt myself riding on a wave on emotions, from catching an emotion only to be crushed by it. I guess I caught up in the eye of the hurricane to realize the reality of my world, my love and my life to come crashing down. And while many people have reached out and said, ” Did you & him break up?” and I have to say yes or have another guy slide into my DMs and say well I just saw you guys broke up, I just want to say let me be. But maybe by sharing what is going on, I can help not only myself heal but maybe you the person who is reading this who may have lost someone, something or cherishing the ones you have, because you should, I just wanted you to know that the telling truth will always come out, no matter if someone tries to bury your voice or side of the story, all I wanted in this moment and going forward is to share the telling truth of the death of a relationship, story or soon to be distant memory.

PS while some of you may know both him and me, please try and see this is me telling my truth and side of the story as a way to heal from someone that I thought would be my lifeline, only to cross so many lines and break my mine own heart in the meantime.