I Got Your Msg

I got your message is such a common thought in my mind lately. Because I feel this can either mean two things, I actually got your message or got what you are saying. As I think of this phrase I think over the interactions I have had over the past year and half of my life, which many of my friends coined as the Mandemic. I guess I became a joke in the midst of pandemic. Glad I survived and found the only person I can count on is me, only me. I have found that ending a relationship that was going nowhere was something I should have done long ago. But me being me, I am people pleaser. I always people’s happiness before mine. Nine times out of ten it may leave a bruise or two, but I would rather be known for being kind and giving people many chances. I noticed though that I have danced with the devil way many more times than I can count, because all I was wanting to be thought of was as this perfect, sweet angel. I noticed in always trying to be the nice person, people will take advantage of you, take your thoughts and twist them to make you feel like you are out of your mind, and make you wonder where you went wrong. I have noticed that sticking up for yourself simply means letting go of people and things that no longer serve you. So I erased those texts you sent and no longer picked up the phone, maybe then you will get my message or maybe you will never get it. But no matter what the outcome is, unread text or voicemail, I know I kept myself by not allowing you in time, time again to just cause me pain, to hate who I am, to not feel enough, to just feel like a liability.

I know I have the ability to construct my words in a way that may make sense to you the person reading this. I hope though if you do not understand me, maybe you never will, I will have the capability to let you know have the ability to do whatever you want with your life. I used to think I had to make my enemies, the ones who left me on read to understand me. What I came to know is you cannot get someone to understand you when they cannot even understand who they are. I may care too much about the people who I cross paths with, but I know maybe one day they will hopefully embody being kind, understanding and just being who they want to be. I feel many of us just wear a mask, put out this front and facade like we all have it figured it out and have our shit together. The truth is we are all just figuring it out. Yet what I feel we lack as humans is completely abandoning that there is another person on the other side of the conversation. So instead of telling them that you will not be arriving at the same destination, you swerve, ghost and ride off in another direction. In the case of a intersection, you look to the traffic lights to guide you on what you should do. You ask the universe for advice, you ask your family and friends what should I do. While I feel it is okay to ask, I also feel this is your life, so send that damn message and if they do not respond or do not feel the same way, know you are still the one and only one of you, and there is going to be someone one day who will get you for you.

I am so sicken tired of asking if they got the message. I am so sick of people who just play mind games with the messages they send. I am done with those messages that come through, only to mess with your mind and make you feel crazy for feeling anything. I know I may know a thing or two, but the one thing I know is between you and me, the sender and recipient is let’s not play monkey in the middle, just straight up tell the person and say how you feel. At the end of the day, we worry so much and read between lines that are not even there, convincing ourselves that this thing or person is right for us, when clearly, most of the time it is not. So yeah maybe, they will get the message one day, but in all honesty, they may never get it.

Whether they will get it or not, it is not up to you to decide, the choice is in their court. So you can either be the player or get played, I have been on both sides. No matter which way you go, you will win some and lose some. Just know you got yourself. If you got you, know you have the courage to send that real message of how you truly feel to someone, be kind though. Either way, I got left on read or got your message, know your value is not attached to the outcome of what happens next. Know how people act is most of the time not a reflection of you, but their own self. Selfless or selfish, I got your msg, I read it, I smiled, I cried, I thought of you, I thought what could be. So next time, you get a call, voicemail, text or DM, know you got the message, it is okay what you do next (just remember to be kind).

PS I got your msg, not sure how to feel all about it, really?! Ever got a msg, left it on read or responded right back, only for you to be on cloud nine or feeling like you digging for fools gold in a non-existent goldmine. Only to say I am fine (really not, whenever someone says that). Time after time, we will continue to say I got your msg whether in actuality or figuratively, so got your msg, what will I say or do next………. (duh dun, we may never know, the never ending carousel of messages continues)

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