The phrase “The Telling Truth” kept coming to my mind, time and time again over the past weekend. I don’t know if it was my subconscious trying to tell me something or not, but anyway I am sitting down here to write a story from my side, or rather I guess a break up of a relationship from my point of view. While I feel sometimes we should keep things to ourself, and that people think they know what it is going on from what they have been told, I thought I would tell my side of the story.
Our story began back in October of my senior year and his junior year. At the time I was honestly not looking for anything serious because I had dated quite a few guys beforehand and just honestly had given up on dating . So after blowing off this guy three times, who some of you may know his name, I decided to give him a chance because I said so what. So what if I have a never failed dating experience or what not. Well anyway I went on this date and I guess you could say the rest is history. The moment I saw his car I thought of my late grandpa because my grandpa used to drive a Buick, so I thought this must be sign. As we talked on our first date and got to know each other better I really started to fall for him, as much as I resisted opening the bars and chains around my heart.
I broke down barriers of walls I built because I really thought this guy was the one. I know people reading this may find this silly but sometimes you just feel it in your bones, thoughts and heart that this person really gets me. But as time went on, the scars of past trauma upon me started to be revealed and I guess that was just too much. As my depression and anxiety worsened due to a horrible first job of out college situation where I faced harassment, he stayed and supported me. Then my depression and anxiety came back full force and I was going through a real tough time, like real tough but honestly no one knew expect myself this year. Near the tail end, I guess he just gave up. Gave up on me, goals he supposedly had of becoming of a surgeon, and just the relationship itself. In the meantime I tried to save a sinking ship, but as I did I felt myself drowning just trying to keep our relationship afloat.
And when he said he didn’t see a future with me or of us. I felt my world crumbling, how could someone go from saying you would never be too much to saying you are now more than ever way too much for me at this moment. See that is not what love is, love is being there for someone at their number one in show to when they come in last place, or they cannot even put one foot in front of another. But I guess love to him was only lust, and maybe we ought to know the difference in this day and age, where many of us would rather focus on ourself than helping those around us. I am not telling this my story for you to feel sorry for me but to let you know you are not alone, if you are going through a very trying time in your life.
Since I moved out from the apartment where we lived together, I have felt myself riding on a wave on emotions, from catching an emotion only to be crushed by it. I guess I caught up in the eye of the hurricane to realize the reality of my world, my love and my life to come crashing down. And while many people have reached out and said, ” Did you & him break up?” and I have to say yes or have another guy slide into my DMs and say well I just saw you guys broke up, I just want to say let me be. But maybe by sharing what is going on, I can help not only myself heal but maybe you the person who is reading this who may have lost someone, something or cherishing the ones you have, because you should, I just wanted you to know that the telling truth will always come out, no matter if someone tries to bury your voice or side of the story, all I wanted in this moment and going forward is to share the telling truth of the death of a relationship, story or soon to be distant memory.
PS while some of you may know both him and me, please try and see this is me telling my truth and side of the story as a way to heal from someone that I thought would be my lifeline, only to cross so many lines and break my mine own heart in the meantime.
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Praying you will find grace and strength – blessings to you – Lois
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